Perfectionist? Break The Chain!

Number of research studies have found that chasing perfection can lead to a significant amount of stress and burnout.

Image: media from wix

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I remember the last month before submitting my thesis. Every tick of the clock seemed like the world was about to end as I pressed "enter" to send my entire thesis to my supervisor for review. Constantly checking my emails became a ritual, a source of both anxiety and hope, as I prayed that everything was alright. Every notification triggered a visceral, heart-pounding mix of anticipation and apprehension. You know that feeling when you are anxiously waiting for a text result or something similar? For me, that day felt like electric energy coursing through my veins, setting my nerves on high alert.

At night, I received an email from my supervisor, complimenting how well-written my thesis was, and that I just had minor things to review. And that was it. The minor one felt like the major one. I started beating myself up, “I missed that… Why I haven't seen that…! I stressed so much about what my supervisor might think about me…and that he probably told everyone how bad my thesis was...” and on, and on…I was drained and fell asleep straight afterwards.

Yesterday, as I read this article, it got me thinking: am I a perfectionist? I realised that many things I do, and don’t do (perfectionists tend to procrastinate too) are often tied to how I see myself . The fear of failure and desire for external validation can be overwhelming, especially for perfectionists, leading to a constant pursuit of flawlessness and unrealistic expectations. The preoccupation with order, clearness, achievement and perfection seems a part of me, or is it? You see, chasing perfection is often a coping strategy we've developed. In my case, I know where it comes from (a story for another blog), and I'm self-conscious about.

Study shows that perfectionism, whether self-oriented or socially prescribed, is linked to increased suicide ideation and attempts, challenging the idea that such pursuits are healthy or beneficial. Self-worth is often tied to achievement, especially in academic settings where competition can drive excellence but also lead to negative consequences when not balanced. I’m much more aware now that perfection is impossible to achieve and I understand the importance of balancing the pursuit of excellence with self-compassion.

Image: author

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Here are 3 strategies I used to overcome perfectionism

Before delving into three practical strategies for overcoming perfectionism, it is essential to acknowledge the unattainable nature of perfection. Recognizing that there is always room for improvement can help alleviate the pressure to be flawless. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on ways to enhance your abilities. Instead of causing undue stress, the following suggestions can assist you in shifting your mindset and embracing a more fulfilling life.

1) Embrace the concept of failure

The term "failure" does not sit well with me. For me, failure is when no effort is made. in other words, if we try and the outcome deviates from what was planned, it can be considered a leaning opportunity in progress. The mistakes that occur during this process are crucial for learning and development. They represent an opportunity to acquire knowledge and develop resilience. It is recommended to embrace the insights gained from these errors and allow them to steer you towards a more robust and self-assured version of yourself.

2) Self-compassion

I intend to discuss the concept of self-compassion in a separate blog post, as I believe there are numerous misconceptions surrounding it. However, I want to emphasize that compassion towards oneself is a crucial element in overcoming perfectionism. It is important to recognize that you are a work in progress, and mistakes do not determine your value or worth. In fact, mistakes are inevitable and necessary. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would do to others when they are struggling with something. As we normally don’t chastise others for their mistakes, but instead show compassion and empathy. And we should apply the same principle to ourselves.

3) Setting realistic goals

It's crucial to set realistic and achievable goals. Break down larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps, allowing you to make consistent progress without feeling overwhelmed. By setting achievable milestones, you not only reduce the pressure on yourself but also create a sense of accomplishment as you work towards your goals. 

It has been difficult for me to shift my focus, particularly when setting goals and striving to achieve them. Most of the time, I fail to do so because I spend too much time attempting to be perfect and often give up, believing I'm not capable since it's not perfect. For instance, I had more than one blog, which I eventually deleted, thinking that no one would want to read my nonsense. However, I have learned to detach myself from my work and just write.

A bit of perfectionism can help improve what we do, but it can be our shadow and fearless opponent. However, when we learn from mistakes, set realistic goals and practice self-compassion, we can overcome its grip.